First of all, let me begin by thanking virtually all North Texas motorists for staying off I-35 yesterday as I made my way to a VA appointment in Denton.
We sailed along, just me and the other pros-- the fifth-wheel and 18-wheeler drivers--going about our bidness, dodging the occasional white-knuckled 25-mph creeper every 8-10 miles or so.
Sure there were mishaps, spin-outs, one jack-knifed and overturned rig--maybe 15 in my 30+ mile trip, but nothing serious.
I used to ridicule Texas drivers for calling in to work terror stricken by the one-quarter inch "ice storm" and refusing to come to work. Obama hit on the same notes yesterday, comparing the winter wimps in D.C. with the far hardier folk of Chicago.
And while the North Texas motorists continue to amuse me, I won't make fun because some may take it as a challenge to their road-worthiness and get on the highway.
Please don't, ya'll.
Although the horror of the "ice storm" is routine for Texas weather, people here brag about them in the same perverse way they brag about every thing down here... bluebonnets, "Hill Country", not living in Oklahoma, Laura Bush, Texas A&M, The Cowboys, (though not so much this year), and every "Texas Music" picker/singer who ever clamped on a kapo (illustration: see guitar neck, above right).
"Tell you what... that ice storm back in (2003, 1998, 1847, etc.) shut this place down for (12 hours, three days, a month etc.). Back then you could spit yer Skoal and it'd freeze 'fore it hit the dirt."
Texans think that "cold" begins about 31 degrees.
"Ya don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows..."
In fact, they don't have just weather down here... it's special "Texas weather".
It can be "colder'n a whodathoughtit (well-diggers' ass, etc.); it can be suffocatingly hot and humid. Or windy, or draught, or flood... whatever, it's always No. 1 on the hit parade.
Hot... I can take; humidity in Texas, like a lower G.I., was invented by Nazis.
No matter, for Texicans... if it's in Texas, "it's all good", as the young hipsters say these days.
And for those of you unfamiliar with The Lone Star State, you must appreciate that simply in writing this, I may pay a hefty price; there may be no more fried chicken at Lynette's (shudder), people may point at me on the street, Lorri at The Fried Pie may hurt me; don't laugh, she can; I was already afraid of her.
Sometime back, there was a Texas tourism advert tag line, in the vein of: "Texas... Another Country"--in praise of the huge state's varied topography, flora and fauna... oh, and South Padre Island.
You must understand that this is not so much a state as it is a sometimes grouchy former Republic; it existed as a separate nation until Dec. 29, 1846, when it relinquished it's sovereignty and was annexed to the Union.
Many Texicans were pissed about that then, and 15 years later Texas left, taking with it several other states.
Texans are still pissed about how that turned out as well.
Trespassers will be shot; the wounded, will be shot again
Ozzy Osbourne was once banned from the state and probably received death threats (of which he may not have been aware) for taking a leak on the wall of the Alamo back in '82... while wearing a dress, no less.
Arrested (damned straight) for this dangerous breach of taste and common sense, he later said it was one of his greatest regrets.
In 1984 he played San Antonio again and made a point donating $10K to the Alamo Foundation.
I'm with the Texas patriots (redundant) on this one... this ain't Europe buddy, not by a damned sight. And despite it's location, The Alamo belongs to all of us, but Texas is the custodian.
Anyway, Texans seem as strangely proud of their harsh weather as they are about large snakes, red ants, "sweet" corn, the Texas Rangers (the cops, not the ball players), and the Red River... but only the portion up to the Oklahoma state line.
Of the latter Don proudly informs me that the state line actually is not in the middle of El Rio Rojo as one would expect, but rather Texas extends north to the red dirt of Okieland.
Obviously the surveyors were Texans and had the advantage because Oklahoma (finally fighting off the opposition emanating from Austin) wasn't allowed in the Union 'til 1907.
Don also says "I got here as soon as I could" when asked about being a Michigan native; not only that, but he claims to have driven here from The Great Lakes State at the age of three. Go Wolverines!
Don even wrote a very catchy song about "snow birds"... dedicated to Yankees who come down here in the winter, despite the gruesome and deadly ice storms. The lyrical hook is something like "... and then you get yer ass back home."
Lynette is fourth generation, not just Texas, but Gainesville. People here tend to stay around their homesteads. Her great (-great?) aunt ran a boarding house on the square in downtown Gainesville. The very same building now houses a neat little cafe and a bed and breakfast.
Mike and Elaine McHorse (above) got a promotion and moved to California some 30 years ago; they lasted about three innings and pulled the plug. I think they were somewhere in L.A.---so who could blame them?
Ray Fletcher made his brother-in-law and sister move here... next door to him.
Roots.
Nonetheless, if it's 10 years or 100, Texans honestly believe that everyone is or should be envious of them.
In some ways, we should.
And, real Texans don't allow their boys to play a communist game like soccer.....
Thank gawd...
"All my ex's are from Texas..."
Well, okay, only one... but she was from Gainesville (really).
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Semper Fi
Posted by: Will S - Left Coast hostage | January 30, 2009 at 11:42 AM
As is sometimes the case, I must once again clean up some of the mistakes you printed as the gospel. The border between Texas and Soonerville is actually the south vegetation line of the Red River which was only settled within the past few years. Seems the Okies said that since the watershed is all in OK that they should own all the water. I think the decision was made while all the Texas Democrats were hiding out in Ardmore, OK a few years back to avoid a particularly patriotic vote in the Texas legislature, or at least while anybody who mattered in Texas was at their approp[riate bar during happy hour or was fixin' something good on their smokers. Also, I drove to Texas in a 40's model pickup sitting in my uncle's lap as a mere babe in late 1950 or early 1951. You should know better than to ever take away any years a person has had the great fortune to have spent in Texas.
Don
Posted by: Don Pettigrew | January 29, 2009 at 01:18 PM